Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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