i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Randomize
