I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
