i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
