Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
