Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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