I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I wish you could order shots online.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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