Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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