I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
