And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
i think my cat just said my name.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
