This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Randomize
