I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
