You smell like a Billy Joel song
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
