tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
the day after is always just damage control
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
why is half of my head shaved?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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