so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
