Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
