I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Randomize
