my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
