Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
