I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
