Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Even my vagina gasped.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
