I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
