I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
