Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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