his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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