Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize
