Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
