so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
