How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
He passed out mid-signature
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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