Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
