oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
