Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
