love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
