I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
why do cheetos always look like penises
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
