you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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