i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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