a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
