why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
