I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
