just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
