She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
