Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
