I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
