brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
