sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
