i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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