He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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