When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
