So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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