: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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