I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
