I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I just cut my nipple shaving
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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