That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
