you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
