i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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