Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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