ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize