my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
