I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
