we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
