She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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