Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
All the doctor said was why
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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