So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
wow bdsm is so cute
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
