I wanna passion pit in your ass
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
