You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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