the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
