worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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