and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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