Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
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