His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
