Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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