So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
