Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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