I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
