Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I have already put on my inside pants.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
