Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
