you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
false alarm, still single
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
