after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
