I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
