I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
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